So back in the day, there was a song called “Goodbye to You”. It was a jilted love giving her kiss off to a one who did her wrong. It is on my mind as years ago I had to make the decision to say ‘goodbye to you’ to my father. We had not had much of a relationship, and finally his refusal to acknowledge his abuse of me was the last straw.
It was not a easy decision, but ultimately the right one. I realized that I was deserving of a happy, healthy life. From time to time, the memories of what he did will pop back into my head. It is frustrating to be sure as I have worked damn hard to heal my life. Those memories come back with a lot of emotion: fear, sadness, and anger.
One of those times happened today. I got upset. Why did I allow memories to still have power? Why can I still have that sick feeling, or that wince of sadness? That somehow *I* did some thing wrong. I do not know the answer to that. But I do know I can let them be just memories. I can choose if it is a fleeting moment or an emotional one. I think I am going to start letting them just be moments.
Most days I have and I know that some thing bubbled up because I was strong enough. And that is just it, I AM strong enough. I can say good bye to the emotion, the fear, the bad feelings. Most of all to a father who won’t take responsibility for his abuse, I can say “Goodbye to you”. It is not always the easiest choice. Some will not understand, but likely, they have never walked that path. Ultimately, we MUST love ourselves enough to work through and come out the other end. To value our journey and learn from it means we must be able to see it without the veil of the past, the veil of pain, or the veil of denial. To just see it, heal it, and release it.
What do you need to let go of? What scary thing do you need to face down and see it for what it is rather than the emotion behind it? And how did it shape the journey your soul is on?